Bring On The Commercials

Note: This article was originally drafted over a year ago. So, why bring it out now? Well, the 2nd best thing about the Super Bowl (and it is a DISTANT second) are the commercials that air during the game. Companies spend millions of dollars for a few seconds of air time, and there is always a big competition to have the best Super Bowl commercial. So, in light of all the great commercials that we will hopefully be seeing soon, I thought I would take a look back at one of my favorite commercials of all-time. I hope you enjoy it.


The Greatest Short Film of All-Time (or at least this week).

Those of you that actually interact with me on a daily basis know how obsessed I can get thinking that some new (or even old) song, movie, or book is currently the greatest thing in the world. This phase with the song/movie/book will probably last anywhere from two days to three weeks before I burn out and move on to something else. Hopefully, it is because I have just found the next greatest thing. Anyways, this entry is about the current greatest thing.

Before you read the rest of my entry, please do yourself a tremendous favor and go to this site. It should only take 1 minute of your time, and then just click back on your browser to return to this site. Go ahead, I’ll wait for you. What follows will make a lot more sense if you go to this page: Dr. Pepper.

Now, I know that everyone has seen this commercial many times. Some of you may even be sick of seeing it on TV at least a couple of times a day (if you are actually lucky enough to be able to watch TV). If you feel this way, I am asking that you please bear with me for a few minutes while I explain why this commercial is the greatest short film of all time (this week). Unfortunately for us, Television often only shows the shorter version of this masterpiece (probably due to Dr. Pepper’s desire to have more opportunities of showing the commercial for the same amount of money since advertising time is billed by the second). In fact, I hadn’t even realized that there was a longer version of the commercial until I searched for it on the internet today. Without further ado, I am going to walking you through the commercial in hopes of explaining why it is the greatest of all time.

Convenient Store Scene:
The first thing that strikes you is the piano. I can think of few better (or more widely recognized) songs for a commercial than Meat Loaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love…” It sets the tone for the direction that the commercial is going to take. You know instantly that the commercial is going to be about sacrifices and choices that one makes for the sake of love. The great thing is that you are able to glean all of this information before anything happens. As far as you can tell, a man is simply walking along the Convenient Store aisles looking for something in particular (we’ve all been there).

Next the director chooses to zoom in on the object that is the purpose behind this man’s search. We are stunned to see that it is a box of tampons. At this moment, it is almost as if the actor feels our hesitation/uneasiness with the situation – he reaches for a box and then pulls his hand back. He cringes, looks around, and hesitates as the camera pans to a shot of his girlfriend in the car. At this moment, it is as if a light bulb goes off in our heads - this must be one of the choices our hero must make for the sake of love. Clearly this girl is the girl whose love he is willing to make sacrifices for. Reaffirmed by a sweet (yet manipulative) smile from his girlfriend in the car, our hero removes the box of tampons and heads towards the cashiers station. It is important to notice that our hero is very aware of the sacrifice he is currently making and that he is still very uncomfortable with the situation. He is carrying the box to the register using what I like to term the “open palm” method. This method, while allowing everyone to see what the hero is carrying (good for the commercial), allows the box to be held in such a way that all of the customers of the store (not pictured) will know that he doesn’t want to be holding it. He makes his away towards the cashier with eyes darting back and forth across the store and a nod to the clerk. The clerk has an incredible smirk on his face that just screams, “You are a whipped!”
After the shot of the clerk’s smirk, the director immediately cuts to the hero standing at the register while the clerk calls for a price check over the speaker system in the convenient store – a despicable move that adds to the burden of sacrifice for our hero. Appalled at his now more precarious position, our hero turns around to face the others in the store. Mercifully, the next scene shows him carrying the box of tampons out of the store while also carrying a few cans of Dr. Pepper; sacrifice number one complete.

Laundry Mat Scene:
This second scene (or sacrifice) begins with a shot inside a laundry mat. Our hero is seen next to the girl from the car folding laundry. Initially, we cannot see the particular garment that is being folded because of the large white T-shirt being folded by the girlfriend. As soon as we have the setting, the film cuts to a close-up shot of the “happy couple” that has the girlfriend folding a sports T-shirt (number 35 on the back) and the hero folding a pair of see-through women’s underwear. The hero looks perplexed as he tries to fold them. We are then shown the reactions of other people in the laundry mat, and things do not look good for our hero. He is getting questioning looks from the other people. Our hero looks up from folding the underwear in time to make nervous, uncomfortable eye-contact with these fellow laundry mat patrons.
As if sensing he is uncomfortable and to demonstrate her level of appreciativeness for the sacrifice, the girlfriend leans in to kiss our hero as he still struggles to properly fold the see-through underwear. The smile on our hero’s face after the kiss suggests to us that he feels the sacrifice is well worth any embarrassment he may feel. We are left to assume it is for the love of the girlfriend. For some reason, there is also a Dr. Pepper bottle visible in this last shot. It appears with the cap off and a sizeable portion of the sugary sweetness missing. End of scene.

Yoga Lesson:
(Disclaimer: I think this is yoga, but seeing as how I’ve never done yoga or any group exercise thing, I could be wrong. It might be Pilates. Regardless, it is irrelevant because our hero shouldn’t be doing it – this much is clear). This is a quick scene where we are able to see our hero perform two moves that look extremely uncomfortable and unnatural. He exchanges a forced smile and waves at his lady while lying on his back with his legs extended over his head. Curiously, there is also a Dr. Pepper can sitting on the floor beside him.
One more side note, it should be pointed out that our hero is dressed in what I would term as “traditional women’s workout attire.” He is wearing a purple shirt, which could be ok with the right bottom piece (just kidding, pair of shorts). He’s also wearing what appear to be cut-off sweat pants. Definitely not kosher, and our hero appears to be making some tremendous sacrifices for love.

Dressing Room (new scene found in the extended version – previously unreleased):
This scene opens with our hero holding a few dresses for his girlfriend in addition to her pink purse and a bottle of Dr. Pepper. I’m beginning to pick up on the fact that Dr. Pepper maybe a theme throughout this commercial, but I could be wrong. A quick look at his face tells you that he’s in a difficult position. In fact, I can imagine that he is in the classic boyfriend/husband situation where the significant other asks you how she looks in a dress. We’ve all been there, and unfortunately we all know that we’ll be there again. The other key point in this scene is the manner with which our hero holds the pink purse. It may confuse some of you at first, but let me clarify it as I see it. First of all, he’s holding the purse by the very tip of its handles. He is also contracting his biceps so that the purse is in front of his chest. Now it may seem counter intuitive to hold the clearly embarrassing object in such a prominent position, but it is actually brilliant. First of all, it’s Murphy’s Law that if you are holding something you don’t want others to see, they will invariably see it regardless of your efforts to hide it. Secondly, our hero is holding the purse in such way (contracted biceps, in front of his chest) like you would hold something you thought was disgusting. I’m envisioning a new father holding a dirty diaper as he goes to throw it away. Regardless, it is clear that our hero has made another sacrifice (or has done “anything thing for love” as Meatloaf would sing).

Running In The Rain:

As the short film progresses to this scene, we are starting to notice that the music is rising to its climax. Our hero is seen running in the rain in a soaked pink shirt (is anyone else reminded of Ross from Friends?) and holding an open umbrella over his girlfriend. Curiously, he’s also holding a Dr. Pepper in his left hand. His girlfriend gets in the car, closes the umbrella, leaving our hero “uncovered” in the rain. It is important to note that it is a common theme in the history of literature and film to have key scenes take place in the rain. While our hero’s final decision ultimately is made in the next scene, it is important to note the manner in which he drinks the Dr. Pepper in the rain. He tilts his head way back in an act of defiance. Of course, we are not sure if his act is aimed at his girlfriend (whom appears to be walking all over him as the commercial goes on and on) or to the gods for causing the downpour. Regardless, we know that there will be resolution to our hero’s conflict in the next scene.

Final Scene: In the House
As we head to the final scene, there is only one question that is unanswered – “What is the thing that our hero won’t do for love?” It is with this frame-of-mind, that we come across our hero seated on the couch with his girlfriend lying across his lap. His face has a very troubled appearance on it as if he is mulling over some great question in his mind. Then, as if he has come to a final decision, he begins to smell her hair. As he smells her hair, she slyly reaches back with her hand and grabs his Dr. Pepper in order to steal a sip. Suddenly our hero is on the move right as we come to the part in the Meatloaf song where he emphasizes the line, “But I Won’t Do That.” He immediately heads to the front door, glances back at her with a defiant look (almost as if realizing he is now free from the many consequences/abuses that he has faced over the course of the film). He then exits the house and begins running down the road holding his Dr. Pepper. Our hero is happier than we have ever seen him throughout the commercial. He takes a sip as he glances back at his (now ex-)girlfriend before running off into the night.

The End.

Thank you for reading along with me as I explored this great advertising film. I hope that you enjoyed yourself as much as I did. Now, if you will excuse me, I think I’m going to go have a Dr. Pepper.

The Next Elway?

When Peyton Manning entered the NFL draft, I was quick to anoint him the ‘next Elway’. People who heard me say this were quick to point out that we’d just have to wait and see. Maybe I was biased because of my love for the Tennessee Volunteers, but I knew then that Peyton was special. Not just special because he had the class and desire to come back to school for his senior year for a chance at a National Championship. Not just special because he was 6’5”, the son of an NFL great Quarterback, and had all the tools. Peyton was special because he was the most rare combination of physical tools, character, leadership, intelligence, desire to win, and work ethic ever to enter the league.

After becoming the #1 overall pick and going to the Indianapolis Colts (in spite of ludicrous suggestions by some publications that the Colts should take Ryan Leaf over Manning because of his stronger arm), Manning had an excellent start to his young career. After a few years there were some who questioned whether or not he could ever cut down on his interception rate; questioning that was answered soon thereafter when Manning fine-tuned his game to become one of the most efficient QB’s in the league. And yet, there were those who doubted.

When Manning followed up his Co-MVP year in 2003 with his record-breaking 2004 season, only to fall to the Patriots in the playoffs, the mumbling really picked up steam. ‘Not a winner’, ‘can’t get it done in the big games’, or ‘he’s just a good stats guy’ were the most popular descriptions I heard. People were comparing Manning to NFL Quarterbacks of old again, but they were comparisons now being made between Peyton and the two Dan’s; Marino and Fouts.

‘The next Elway’ is what I said in 1998. ‘The next Elway is what I say in 2007, on the eve of a matc-hup between the Colts and their arch-nemeses; Tom Brady and the Patriots. If the Patriots triumph over the Colts again this year, Manning’s legacy will be all but cemented in most people’s minds. He’ll be the greatest statistical QB of all time, but he’ll never be a winner. Can you guess how I would describe Manning, if given only three words, should he his team suffer yet another playoff defeat? ‘The next Elway’.

I’ll never cease to be amazed at how much emphasis Hall of Fame votes, and reputation in general in the NFL, are based on championships. Sure Terry Bradshaw won four championships, but would you really want him over Manning? Joe Theismann won a Lombardy Trophy, would you want him doing anything for you over Manning (including announcing an NFL game!)? Trent Dilfer won a ring, would… I’m done making this point. ‘Football is the ultimate team sport’ is a common phrase, used just yesterday by new Dolphins’ coach Cam Cameron. If it is (and it probably is), then why does one QB take all the blame for his team’s losses, and another QB, who couldn’t hold a candle up to him were their roles reversed, gets all the credit for guiding his team to three championships (you know who you are Brady)?

More than the emphasis on championships, there is something else that always amazes me. It amazes me how we incorporate revisionist history into the legacy of NFL quarterbacks who won a championship, and yet we’re so ready to label other players careers as busts, or disappointments, before they’ve had a chance to completely write their legacy. As soon as Brett Favre won a title all his interceptions and boneheaded plays that previously had fans wondering if they could ever win with this guy, were quickly disregarded as part of Favre’s gunslinger mentality, a part of his greatness, no less! Steve Young was a scrambling QB struggling to establish himself from underneath the shadow of Joe Montana until he played one of the best Super Bowl’s ever by a QB, and suddenly he was a guy who had always been a winner, and finally overcame the challenges he faced. Even Marino was the next great quarterback, going to the Super Bowl in just his second year. He had “it”, he was already a winner; and now he’s labeled as a guy who couldn’t win the big one in spite of his stats, and has to take jabs from far inferior former quarterbacks like Boomer Esiason.

And let’s not forget John Elway himself. Sure he had, “the drive”. He made several Super Bowls throughout his career. But he didn’t win one until his last two seasons, well past his prime. Now we look back at his entire career as historical, epic, and clutch.

Guy’s like Esiason should be polishing the shoes of Dan Marino. Guys like Brady and Roethlisberger should be standing in awe of the way Peyton Manning is taking their position to new heights. Instead, Peyton’s left eating humble pie. If he wins a Super Bowl this year (which I sincerely think he will), much of that stigma will go away. But it shouldn’t have to go away. It shouldn’t be there to begin with. His career is not over, his history is still unwritten. We shouldn’t be having to discuss this at all, but we are. In fact, I take some blame for comparing Manning to Elway to begin with. Maybe he isn’t the next Elway. I think when it’s all said and done, he’s an even better player. He should be allowed to just be the first Peyton Manning.

Champion Weekend

A few more thoughts with the Conference Championships coming up this Sunday, and the Bears about to assume their role as “bad guys in a sports movie” (yeah, I know, it’s another article almost exactly like the last one, but it’s at least two in two weeks…):

First off, I need to explain the reason behind Rex Grossman’s up-and-down regular season that has everyone so confused: LA Bias. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with the media. It’s one of the teams in our fantasy league from Wheaton. This is one of those truly rare fantasy teams that not only makes several questionable decisions every year, but also has at least one or two major injuries, always manages to get veterans right before their “wow, he’s really lost a step this year” season, frequently trades or cuts players right before they break out, and loses almost every close game…over the past two seasons, they’ve won two games and once had a twenty-four game losing streak, and they’ve actually been trying the entire time. Anyway, this season they traded for Grossman, as you may have guessed, right before the Miami game and the string of ugly performances that followed. And once our fantasy season ended, Rex was fine other than the Green Bay game. (Incidentally, the player they traded for him was Jamal Lewis, right before Brian Billick thought, "hey, we have a washed-up QB, no deep threats, and a 2,000-yard running back...hmm, maybe we should run the ball.")

I will say that the “unprepared” angle towards that game is not going to play well in Chicago, and that it’s obviously not preferred, but it’s kind of understandable. It’s like that class in high school where the teacher was buddies with everyone and you had mathematically clinched an A- by the final…seriously, how much did you study for that final? That’s what I thought. Anyway, if the Bears win it this year, that’s either going to be forgotten (it pretty much is already), or it may even contribute to Rex’s gunslinger/rock star image in a way.

Anyway, I think the quarterback from the Seattle game is pretty much what the Bears have got…he’ll make a few dumb throws per game, some of which he’ll get away with, he has a hard enough time holding on to the ball that I cringe every time he even gets close to getting tackled, and he gives you an excellent chance get 20-30 points against anybody. In other words, he’s the white Daunte Culpepper. I just threw up a little bit. In my mouth.

The Bears are as good of an offensive team as the Saints are. I am basing this off of the fact that the Bears scored more points than the Saints did over the course of the season. Ridiculous of me, I know.

I also haven’t heard this pointed out yet, but Reggie Bush has a little bit of a propensity for screwing up in big games…first the lateral against Texas, than the awful missed pitch against the Eagles (which he got away with since the Eagles didn’t do anything with it). He could be on his way to becoming the Peyton Manning of running backs. I actually think Reggie’s on his way to being a phenomenal sports character…he’s electrifying to watch and currently has good guy status for being involved in the Saints revival…but at the same time, he’s been involved in a ton of shady off-the-field stuff and is prone to boneheaded plays at critical times. He could end up being the signature player for the Saints franchise (which wouldn’t take that much), or he could mess up in a few playoff games, leave as a free agent, and become the most hated athlete in Louisiana. I could honestly see either happening. It probably doesn’t help his chances that he’s one of LA Bias’s keepers...

Speaking of Peyton Manning, I think this is the year the Colts finally knock off the Patriots. Even though the Colts-Patriots thing is a little bit played out, it’s interesting this year, because for the first time:
- The Colts are playing at home (in a playoff game).
- The Colts have Vinatieri…last time they had Mike Vanderjagt. There’s no way any Pats fan isn’t worried about that.
- And, most importantly, the Colts defense is actually (at the moment) playing as well or better than the Patriots. And since the Pats are one of the worst running teams in the playoffs, they can’t really even take advantage of them there.

And if the Patriots win again…with all of those factors in play…I’m going to have to accept that Tom Brady really is better than Peyton Manning. It’s the only way it’s going to happen.

Everyone have a great weekend, and good luck to all teams but the Saints…

A half order of Nacho-Rama, with playoffs.

Before the NFL playoffs start, I have the following random thoughts.

- Look at the teams that have won the Super Bowl this decade. You can win with any kind of quarterback – an unproven rookie/first year starter (’05 Steelers, ’01 Pats…and frankly I’m not sure that Big Ben is even that good), a very mediocre veteran (’00 Ravens, ’02 Bucs), or a star QB in their prime (’03-04 Pats). If you go back a couple of years, you can add in a star QB that’s a little bit washed up (for Elway’s Broncos). Every one of those teams had awesome defenses, though.

- The only defenses that consistently have made me think “wow, this team is really tough to move the ball against” this year are the Ravens and Bears, which is unusual because there are normally four or five teams like that. But think about it. Did you consider sitting any of your fantasy starters against any other teams this year? I didn’t think so. And honestly, the Bears defense hasn’t looked that great in three weeks, although I’m hoping this is mostly due to lack of motivation and the fact that they were resting multiple guys with minor injuries (and legal problems).

- As much as everyone wants to blame Grossman for everything bad that happens to the Bears, they lost against Carolina last year because the defense came out flat and didn’t look like it did during the season. If that happens again, they’re going to lose. If the defense dominates like it did during the first part of this year, they’ll beat anybody they play. Period.

- There’s more hard evidence that Shawne Merriman used steroids than there is against Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds, and Sammy Sosa combined. The NFL, fans, and media can let it slide, but the football gods aren’t letting this go unpunished (note: I don’t actually believe in football gods, but I do think karma/justice has a way of rearing its head in sports, especially in playoff games - explain it however you want to). (Second note: can we all just agree on one way to spell "Shawn?")

- Three teams are supposedly in trouble because they’re relying on young QBs that have looked bad at times this year – the Bears, Cowboys, and Chargers. For some reason the Cowboys are getting a free pass from everyone in this respect, when in actuality they’re the only team on that list that depends on the quarterback to wins games for them on a regular basis.

- Drew Brees passed for almost 4500 yards this year. That’s a pantheon passing attack, right up there with the Dan Fouts Chargers, Marino’s Dolphins, Manning’s Colts, and Warner’s Rams. By the way, anyone want to guess how many road playoff games/playoff upsets those teams won combined? Anyway, I don’t have time to look it up, but I don’t think it was a lot. I’m amending the Sports Guy’s first rule of playoff gambling – mine goes “Never back a Quarterback with ridiculous numbers on the road.”

- I have to work next weekend, so pray that the Bears are the Saturday night game so I can catch the whole thing (and also that they are NOT the early game on Sunday).

- I’m not going to predict everything since that went soooooo well with baseball this year, but I think the best game of the first round will be the Jets-Patriots – it’s a division game with more bad blood and better teams than Giants-Eagles.

- The NFC East this year reminds me of the NFC Central back in the ‘90s: you occasionally had one legitimately good team, but for the most part you had three or four average teams that beat up on each other and one or two bad teams. And other than the Packers winning the NFC a couple of times, those teams always were disappointing in the playoffs, too.