Give Me a Break

Readers and friends, a terrible atrocity has been brought to my attention. Apparently, Mac had to take a test on Super Bowl Monday. This should never happen to anyone, period. In fact, this has made me decide that we need to seriously re-think how many holidays we need to have. Consider this an open letter to Dick Lecter, the President of Corporate America: We need more holidays. I’d even be ok with getting half pay for some of them, but there are just some times of the year that nobody should have to work. Here’s my list of possible considerations, almost all of which are major call-in/class skip days where nothing gets done:

Super Bowl Monday: The Super Bowl goes beyond a sporting event. It’s a legitimate national event. It needs to have a holiday. Plus, this would pretty much establish that it’s at least occasionally legitimate to call in, take vacation days, or blow off family obligations for a sports-related reason. My take is that it’s only ok for a decisive playoff game, anything you have tickets to, a championship ring day/parade if your team hadn’t won in a while, or any fantasy league draft.

Martin Luther King Day: Apparently in a lot of cities, this actually is a paid holiday. Well, I want in on that. Plus, if any American from the last fifty years deserves to have their own holiday, it’s probably him.

Valentine’s Day: Look, I dislike Valentine’s Day as much as anyone. It’s a depressing day for anyone who’s single and not comfortable with that fact, and it’s downright horrifying for people who have been dating someone for two or three weeks. I’m also at least 70% that it was just made up to sell stuff. But it’d just be a nice day to have off, as established couples could plan some elaborate date, and guys who are happily single could watch the entire Rambo, Die Hard, or Terminator trilogy instead of just one of the movies (I’m watching Rambo, which I actually haven’t seen. Good times. The whole trilogy would have been better, though.)

St. Patrick’s Friday: I have no problem working, or even working late, on St. Patrick’s Day, but it can be pretty difficult to make it to work after observing this holiday properly…

April Fools Day: If only because the temptation to mess with customers and/or co-workers is just too great, and I can’t imagine that would go over too well in most businesses.

Good Friday/Easter Monday: Ok, I realize it may be considered a little bit egocentric to expect a four day weekend for a religious holiday (although nobody has a problem with taking one for Christmas), so as a concession, I will be willing to also take paid time off on Yom Kippur and the first day of Ramadan.

Cinco De Mayo: Actually this might be another one to take the day after off…

Summer: I can’t really think of anyone who would be against this.

Halloween: Just a genuinely fun holiday. I’m sorry, but if you think you’ve matured to the point where you can’t enjoy a day that revolves around wearing costumes, watching scary movies, eating junk food, and playing pranks on people, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life.

There you go. I think that’s pretty reasonable. In fact, I’d even be willing to give up Labor Day and Memorial Day in order to get a few of these, since neither of those mean much to most people aside from being a day off. Until then, I’ll just keep using all of my sick and vacation days every year…