Ek's Top 100 Albums of the '10s: #51-100

Since the Sports Guy is the spiritual father of this blog, I'll let him introduce the concept: "It's a gimmick that needs no introduction. It's a gimmick that says'I couldn't come up with a real column that has a beginning, middle and end,' as well as 'You're hopefully going to be entertained anyway.' It's a gimmick that insinuates the rankings reflect a nationwide consensus, even though it's the opinion of one person and one person only. It's a gimmick that seemingly relies on a secret statistical formula, even though one doesn't actually exist. That's right, it's a...[giant list] column!" Point taken. The only thing I'll argue with is the beginning, middle, and end thing, since nothing has a more obvious beginning, middle, and end than a giant list (although this may not apply to TSG's lists since he always jumps around so much). Anyway, the '00s were a crappy decade in a lot of ways, but it was a good decade for music, especially after a shaky last few years of the '90s (except for Journey reuniting with a new lead singer. That was a terrible idea).

I also originally intended this to just be a top 50 list, but there were too many good albums to do it. I can see now how Eric's annual "top ten" lists usually end up mentioning fifty different albums. Anyway, in the interest of this not becoming a full-length novel, I'm just going to list #51-#100 in reverse order, then over (hopefully not all of) the summer I'll release the rest in groups with some (I promise) brief comments.

Before we start, the hardest albums to leave off of my list were these:

Velvet Revolver - Contraband ('04):

Don't worry; if I ever get around to making a top-100 list for the '90s, the members of this band will get their revenge.

Alkaline Trio - Remains ('07)

Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs ('08)

Dethklok - The Dethalbum ('07)

Dream Theater - Black Clouds and Silver Linings ('09)

Fall of Troy - Doppelganger ('05)

Unearth - III: In the Eyes of Fire ('06):

All of these have multiple great songs on them, but I had a hard time listening to any of them all the way through after the first couple listens. We're not talking "skip a couple of tracks," either, we're talking "go to another album less than 2/3rds of the way through."

Cute Is What We Aim For - The Same Old Blood Rush With a New Touch ('06)

Damone - Out Here All Night ('06)

Snow Patrol - Eyes Open ('06):

2006 was really a great year for guilty pleasure albums that are a blast to listen to but I immediately forgot about once they fell out of my rotation. I should try to come up with a less cumbersome name for this category.

Sufjan Stevens - Come On Feel the Illinoise! ('05):

This is the The Royal Tennenbaums of albums for me - underrated nationally; overrated by the people I know.

Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix ('09):

Disqualified because I'm afraid they're leading us into a "prog rock to synth rock" transition, which would be fine, except that we already tried this in the early '80s with mostly awful results. Think about it - do we really want to see Herman Li or John Mayer writing songs on a keyboard? If it could happen to Eddie Van Halen or Geddy Lee, it could happen to those guys. If it is any consolation, they will be on every other "best of the decade" music list made this year (although, let's face it; there's a decent chance this is the last one since it is already May).

Mastodon - Blood Mountain ('06):

The toughest cut and the only one I feel legitimately bad about. The thing is, I didn't start to like this album that much until after hearing Crack the Skye, and I had a copy well before that. An album on a top-100 list for a whole decade needs to be capable of getting me into a band that I don't have any prior exposure to; it's part of my non-existent secret formula.

To balance that list, the easiest albums to leave off were St. Anger, Dusk and Summer, and Ultra Beatdown.

With that, we'll get started. As you might expect, this is limited to albums that I purchased or otherwise acquired and, in most cases, managed to listen to multiple times before now. For those of you that want music recommendations, I'd recommend any of these:

100. Seume - It Is What It Is ('08)

99. The Showdown - Temptation Come My Way ('07)

98. Megadeth - United Abominations ('07)

97. Coldplay - Parachutes ('00)

96. Dashboard Confessional - The Swiss Army Romance ('00)

95. Portugal The Man - Waiter: You Vultures! ('06)

94. Coheed & Cambria - Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV Vol. 2: The End Complete ('07)

93. Alkaline Trio - Maybe I'll Catch Fire ('00)

92. Drive-by Truckers - Brighter Than Creation's Dark ('07)

91. Death Cab For Cutie - We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes ('00)

90. Greenchoby - Big City ('00)

89. Alkaline Trio - Agony & Irony ('08)

88. Angels & Airwaves - I-Empire ('07)

87. Foo Fighters - In Your Honor ('05)

86. Avenged Sevenfold - City of Evil ('05)

85. John Mayer - Continuum ('06)

84. Killswitch Engage - As Daylight Dies ('06)

83. Dave Matthews Band - Big Whiskey and the Groo Grux King ('09)

82. Moneen - The Red Tree ('06)

81. Saves The Day - In Reverie ('03)

80. Pennywise - Land of the Free? ('01)

79. Muse - Origin of Symmetry ('01)

78. Further Seems Forever - Hide Nothing ('04)

77. The Darkness - One Way Ticket to Hell and Back ('05)

76. Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam ('06)

75. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm ('05)

74. Dream Theater - Systematic Chaos ('07)

73. John Mayer - Heavier Things ('03)

72. Death Cab For Cutie - Plans ('05)

71. Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand ('04)

70. Copeland - In Motion ('05)

69. Drive-by Truckers - Southern Rock Opera ('01)

68. Say Anything - ...Is a Real Boy/...Was a Real Boy ('04)

67. Alkaline Trio - Crimson ('05)

66. Green Day - American Idiot ('04)

65. Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - Raising Sand ('07)

64. Owen - At Home With ('06)

63. Paul Simon - You're the One ('00)

62. Sleeping At Last - Ghosts ('03)

61. Hey Mercedes - Loses Control ('03)

60. Spill Canvas - One Fell Swoop ('05)

59. Jeremy Enigk - World Waits ('06)

58. the lower 48 - When I Finally Saw the Sea ('09)

57. He Is Legend - It Hates You ('09)

56. Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache ('04)

55. The Detholz - Who Are The Detholz!? ('02)

54. Alison Krauss & Union Station - Lonely Runs Both Ways ('04)

53. Jimmy Eat World - Futures ('04)

52. Copeland - Beneath Medicine Tree ('03)

51. Dave Matthews Band - Busted Stuff ('02)

Ok, that's it for this one. Check back in a week or two and I'll have #50-#26 up. If you have thoughts about any of these albums, or if you can't believe how I had one of them as high or as low as I did, leave a comment.

Rock 'n Jock

After watching the Bulls collapse earlier today, I came to realize that a basketball team isn't that different from a rock band - there's about the same number of people on stage/the court at the same time, and you need the right mix of talent, chemistry, and knowledge/acceptance of roles in order to be successful. So here's my take on how the comparison breaks down.

Scorers = Guitar Players: In both cases, you need to have at least one good one, but more than two always gets complicated over time, and more than three simply doesn't work at all. There's arguably more skill involved here than at any of the other positions, and a great one can single-handedly carry a team or band to the next level. On the other hand, the importance of these guys is heavily overrated, both in their own minds and by casual fans. Plus, everyone filling the other roles has probably at least dabbled in it at some point and deep down thinks/knows they could do a better job. While really great ones are rare, decent ones can be found at every subway stop, and for every one of those, there are about ten guys who think they are decent at it but would probably be better off trying something else.

Point Guards = Singers: There's more than one way to do it right and people need to embrace their own style to have any hope - ultimately, most people either know how to handle themselves here innately or they're unlikely to ever figure it out. The most important rule for both is not to forget that there are other people out there with them, because this position has the most potential to make everyone else happy or miserable. In other words, not being a huge douche bag is half of the battle. This makes the '90s Bulls the equivalent of a badass thrash metal band that was able to kick tail despite the lack of anything resembling decent singing.

Rebounding = Bass Players: Frequently goes unnoticed, except when either dominating or incompetent, which is when most people realize "holy crap, this is actually really important." Also, bass players are almost never the biggest personalities or troublemakers in a band, they generally get along with everyone, and while the rebounders frequently piss off opponents, everyone loves the rebounders on their own team...mostly because it allows them to go do something else that they'll get more glory for.

Screens/Cut/Off-the-ball Movement = Drumming: Watching an NBA team that is bad at this is boring, just like listening to a band with a bad drummer is boring. Actually, the bad drummer might be more entertaining because of the Rex Grossman Entertainment Factor, where you have to keep watching just to see if everyone else can actually manage to keep it together. Either you understand where I'm coming from already or I can't explain it to you.

Defense = Songwriting: Only the real die-hards spend a lot of time thinking about it, and the existing system seems to be increasingly rigged against those who are good at it, but if it isn't there, you aren't going anywhere. There's a few cases where a weakness here has been overcome, but only when every other aspect is absolutely nailed - think the Phoenix Suns this decade or Dream Theater.

Coach = Producer: People always expect changes here to make a drastic difference, mostly because they're fun to speculate about, but in reality, most of them do the same handful of things, so it only matters a lot if you have one of the top five guys in the country or someone that is just horrifically incompetent. Due to the first part of the last sentence, they are always the first one to get the axe when expectations aren't being met, and due to the last part, it almost never solves the problem since continuity here is way more important than marginal improvements in quality.

NBA Officials = The Music Industry: They work hard and there are times when they get it right, but for the most part, they're pretty incompetent, they reward past success and expected future success (a.k.a. hype) more than they pay attention to what is actually happening in front of them, and it is at least possible that they're taking bribes.

Is Anyone Still There?

Does anyone else realize that we have 3 straight posts about video games? I know that the last entry was dated in October, which means it only took me 6 months to figure that out, but that is still unacceptable. I may have to announce my 2nd comeback again (a la MJ with the Wizards) so we can get back to our first love of sports. If we can get 3 legit comments to this post, I'll write about my Masters' experience with Yates. There are some funny stories that I still haven not told about that weekend. If that goes well (big if), I may even find the urge to write about my beloved Hawks in the playoffs for the first time in 9 years, my hopeful plans for the Falcons to draft Glenn Dorsey with the 3rd overall pick this Saturday, and why I feel the Braves are at a crossroads during this season. So get excited (or if you know me, expect this little update to be my last post for the next six months)...

A "Master"ful Performance?

In an effort to bring something new to the Village Tavern, we're actually going to make an attempt at reviewing something that came out recently. Anyway, here's my review of Halo 3.

Story: C-

Despite some rumors to the contrary, Halo 3 picks up pretty closely to where Halo 2's (drastically disappointing) ending left off. The game begins with the Master Chief bailing out of the forerunner ship that he was (apparently) on and crashing on Earth, conveniently near a party of marines. The story from then on is pretty similar to the Master Chief portion of the Halo 2 story – you fight your way through the Covenant on Earth (in this case Africa) for a little while, and then eventually end up on a forerunner installation trying to cause some giant explosions and prevent others. That's a little bit of a simplified version – in actuality, the depth of the story is somewhere between those of the first two games. While this game doesn't have a bad story, there were a few things I didn't like about it:

- A lot of the scenarios, and in some cases even level layouts, are really, really similar to stuff that happened in the other two games.

- The arbiter follows the Master Chief along throughout the campaign, and while it's kind of fun to see both fighting alongside each other, it essentially eliminates the arbiter's storyline, which was the most interesting aspect of Halo 2's story. Remember how the story for The Lord of the Rings was entertaining when the characters were all traveling together, but then got really interesting once Tolkein split them up? This is kind of the complete opposite of that.

- I'm not a huge fan of boss battles in shooters as a general rule, but they did a pretty good job with them in Halo 2, and the problem here is that a lot of this game's story seems to be building towards epic boss battles with Gravemind and the Prophet of Truth, neither of which actually end up so much happening. Seriously, how do you kill off the two primary villains in a video game without a boss battle? It's unheard of. I should mention that there is at least a battle with 343 Guilty Spark (the Monitor), which is nice since everyone who plays these games has wanted to kill that thing since 2/3rds of the way through the first game.

- Although the ending is not nearly as bad as the end of Halo 2, it's still a minor letdown, not to mention the fact that the final scene is a little bit confusing, both in regard to what actually happened and how.

Gameplay: A

This was probably both one of the biggest strengths of Halo and Halo 2's most severe weakness, so considering those facts, and the fact that this is what I consider the most important aspect, this is obviously the make-or-break point for this game. Well, I'm happy to report that it's mostly good news. In Halo, the Master Chief was quick and agile, much like Mike Williams at USC. Once Halo 2 started, it looked like the Chief had taken a year off and then trained with the Lions. You have to play the games back-to-back for it to be very noticeable, but the walk speed was substantially reduced in the second game for no apparent reason. While it doesn't seem like a big thing, it not only makes it take longer to walk to an objective in a level or multiplayer game, but also reduces the extent to which dodging and strategic movement is helpful, and basically makes the game a lot less fun. And while I'm not sure if the Chief is as fast in Halo 3 as he was in the first game, he's definitely quicker than in Halo 2.

Another significant improvement is the weaponry available, both in the quality/quantity of weapons available and in the weapon balance. While Halo 2 introduced dual wielding, they attempted to compensate for this by making every dual wielding weapon weak and useless as a stand-alone gun. This took a lot of the fun out of the multiplayer games in Halo 2, since in order to be successful you had to spend as much time looking for weapons and items as you did hunting down the other players. While I haven't played the multiplayer game a lot in Halo 3 yet, the only really useless gun in the game is the plasma pistol, and even that's more of a situational weapon than it is truly useless. The end result is a game which includes all of the added wrinkles from Halo 2, such as dual wielding, vehicle boarding, and melee weapons, but has fixed the major flaws from that game. So basically, you have the game that Halo 2 should have been.

Improvement Over Previous Games in Series/Genre: B+

This game doesn't do anything new that's Earth-shattering (beyond fixing the issues from Halo 2 mentioned earlier), but there are some nice new wrinkles:

- Several new weapons, including a machine gun that shoots spikes, mini-shotguns that can be dual wielded (weld?), and the hammer that Tartarus had at the end of the second game, which is called the “Gravity Hammer,” which is a little bit of a strange name since I thought that was how every hammer worked.

- You can pick up the turrets and walk around with them, although you move at Halo 2 speeds when you do. There are also a couple of other heavy weapons that work this way, like a missile launcher and a flamethrower. Which is always a nice touch.

- A few new vehicles, although with the exception of the Hornet (which is basically a helicopter), most of them aren't that great; the Ghost, Scorpion Tank, and Banshee are still the most fun vehicles in the game to use by a pretty good margin.

-There are now four kinds of grenades, including a fire grenade and a spike grenade, although this was probably the one addition I didn't really like, since you now can only carry 2 of each kind, and I honestly would rather just have more frag and plasma grenades.

- You now can pick up items, like deployable shields and active camo, and use them at strategic times during the game. While I don't think I've really figured out how to take full advantage of most of these, it's a very nice touch.

Graphics: A

While the graphics in this game don't blow everything else out of the water like the first Halo game did, it does look better from a real standpoint than either of the first two and, honestly, almost everything else that I've played. The Brutes actually now look vicious and more resemble the ancient vampire from season seven of Buffy the Vampire Slayer than they do evil care bears or ewoks on steroids. I actually saw them and thought, “oh, THAT'S what those were supposed to look like." The flood also has been revamped and are basically a whole lot creepier. Between that and the fact that Cortana and Gravemind occasionally appear in hallucinations throughout the levels, the game seems to be going for more of a Resident Evil/horror movie type of feel. Watching someone play one of those games gave you the feeling that you were watching a great horror movie (which is the exact feeling you don't get while watching the Resident Evil movies) and although Halo 3 never really manages to do that, this is more because it's a space fantasy than because of any problems with the graphics.

Replayabilityness: Incomplete (tentatively C-)

Officially I'm giving this an “incomplete” since it's not really possible to judge how well a game that I've had for two weeks will hold up. But there are a few reasons that I'm not all that optimistic. The campaign is too short – I finished it on heroic the first time in about ten hours over two days, and for that matter I don't remember using the banshee or the rocket launcher even one time during that, which was a little bit of a downer. The other glaring flaw is that it was widely reported/advertised that this was finally going to be the shooter that had a four person co-op mode, and it most certainly does not, or more accurately, it only has this feature online, which is stupid, unnecessary, and completely defeats the purpose. I suppose it's better than nothing, and it will hopefully pave the way for other games that will do this (even though other genres have been doing it for a long time and it should have happened at least five years ago), but it still stands that Bungie had a chance to make possibly the most replayable game ever, and they dropped the ball by not including this feature as a split-screen option. In some ways, they fell into Microsoft's typical approach to customers, which is:

Step 1: Imagine who your ideal client/customer would be.
Step 2: Force as many people as possible into that mold by making sure that it's completely necessary in order to take full advantage of any products you make.

The thing is, I sometimes get the impression that Microsoft (and Sony, for that matter) are trying to kill split-screen gaming in favor of online action, which of course enables them to collect activation and subscription fees on a regular basis. And while it's nice to have that as an option, the fact of the matter is, people who don't mind paying monthly fees for their gaming, not being able to talk trash to someone's face that you're playing against, and spending the majority of your time playing against 12-to-15 year-olds that treat gaming as a full-time job are not big console gamers; these kind of people mostly play PC games. Console gamers for the most part are either kids or more casual gamers who don't really have the need, desire, or even ability to be a big part of an “online community.” Anyway, that's it for the soap box about that...and I will mention that I haven't played the multiplayer game – online or otherwise - very much, so if the multiplayer game is really good (and it seems like that's what they put more of their time into) and the game holds up well over time, this could easily move up to a B or even an A-.

Overall: B+

This is a good game, but I was hoping it would be better, and for various reasons (not all of which have to do with the game), I'd be surprised if I get nearly as into this one as I did Halo, or even Halo 2. I think the legacy of the Halo trilogy could be similar to that of the Matrix trilogy – an awesome, generation-defining first chapter followed by two sequels which were actually pretty good, but didn't quite live up to the promise of the original.


And now, so we can review TWO things that came out within the last two weeks (for the first time ever on the Village Tavern)....

Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace: A

Unsurprisingly, this album includes a mix of numerous hard rock songs, poppy, radio friendly songs, and a couple of nice acoustic numbers, in other words, everything you would expect from a Foo Fighters album at this stage in their career. What is a surprise, and a good one, is that it also includes a lot of things you wouldn't expect from a Foo Fighters album. While it's well-known at this point that Dave Grohl is a great drummer and songwriter, he's also become a very good guitar player and is starting to show it, with some legitimate guitar solos on a lot of the songs and an acoustic instrumental. They also mix their acoustic sound with hard rock on several songs, which I don't really remember them ever doing in the past. While there's some cases where they fall into the “play a nice acoustic song for a couple of minutes, then play something similar but rock it out” style of songwriting, there are also some cases (like “Let it Die”) where they're already doing this brilliantly. They've also gone to a much more classic rock sound, and while the influence of the grunge scene Grohl helped to develop isn't completely gone, this is an album that sounds more like Neil Young or Led Zeppelin than Nirvana or Pearl Jam, which in this case is a good thing.

16 Brothers I'd Like to Smash

Since the VT is on the subject of video games for the moment, I figured now would be the time to write an article about one of my favorite games from the last line of consoles – specifically, Super Smash Brothers Melee. What made this game so great was that it finally provided an opportunity to prove, once and for all, who amongst your friends really was the best at the old-school, platform-jumping games, which had previously not been provided (with the notable exception of the extra head-to-head game in Mario Bros. 3).

The only real gripe with the game to this point is the characters that have been chosen – not that they lack balance or don't allow for different playing styles, but they leave out too many of the iconic heroes of video game lore, while including characters like Young Link, NES, Captain Falcon, Falco, those two Japanese guys with swords nobody had ever heard of, and about sixteen characters from Pokemon.

Fortunately, the Village Tavern is here to help. Here's my top 16 video games characters that haven't appeared in Smash Bros. yet and should...

16.Worm
Series: Worms

While these brave and creative little worm warriors might even be second to Earthworm Jim or (“Puta Earthworm James”) as the most famous video game worms, but after their games took up a solid portion of my freshman year, I'd be more than willing to see a worm running around with the Ninja Rope, Parachute, Bazooka, and Holy Hand Grenade, and I'd be even more excited to pick up mad cows, a Super Banana Bomb, or Concrete Donkey at the end of a close Smash Bros. game.

15. Diablo
Series: Diablo

As my friend Noho was once fond of saying: “Make no mistake: Diablo is a badass.” And while he probably wouldn't be that different from Bowser, he could provide a faster “heavyweight” character, and it would be an excuse to include a Chaos Sanctuary level where a horde of minions came and wiped everyone out every time someone stepped on a seal.

14. Wario
Series: Mario Brothers

Wario has long been one of the more mysterious characters in the Mario Brothers Universe. Wario sometimes appears as a villain and sometimes as a pseudo-hero, and it's unclear whether he's somehow related to Mario and Luigi, if him and Walugi are the Mario Brothers from the backwards Bizzaro World, or if they are the result of a failed cloning experiment by Bowser's scientist kid (at least I think one of the Koopalings was supposed to be a scientist). Anyway, Wario's the only one on this list that I can confirm actually will be in the new Smash Brothers Game, so I'll throw out the idea of having him drive around his Mario Kart in the game...this would make him a different character, as opposed to a slower and stronger version of his alter-ego/stepbrother/original form Mario. I also think a case could be made that the MarioKart spinoff has become an iconic series in its own right on the level of anything but the original SMB series and Zelda, so it should be represented. At the very least, I think the Lightning Bolt and Lead Killer could be incorporated as weapons.

13. Donatello
Series: TMNT

What was great about the Ninja Turtles was that each one had something going for them: Leonardo was the de facto leader and could be considered the “main character” to the extent the series had one, Raphael was the most nuanced and interesting as a character, and Michaelangelo got most of the funny lines. While Donatello's “inventor” gimmick was kind of lame, his true strength was that he was the Turtle that dominated every TMNT video game ever made. This is primarily because his weapon was so much longer than those of the other Ninja Turtles...

12. Shang Tsung
Series: Mortal Kombat

Ok, Shang Tsung's actual powers were a little bit lame, but it would be nice to see the MK series represented, and it's also a fun idea to have a guy in there who could morph into some of the other characters. That, and I would enjoy watching Pikachu getting his spine ripped out.

11. Ryu
Series: Ninja Gaiden

While the 8-bit Ninja Gaiden games may not be among the first old Nintendo games you'd rush to go back and play, they definitely had their following. The series has enjoyed a renaissance in recent years thanks to Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden Black for the Xbox and Ninja Gaiden Sigma for the PS3 (all of which, by the way, are more or less the same game). I could imagine a character modeled after the more recent version of Ryu being tons of fun to play, especially if one remembers that the purpose of the Ninja is to flip out and kill people...

10. Falling Blocks
Series: Tetris

Ok, I admit that this one is way off the beaten path, but honestly if there's one video game series that you can play for hours on end with darn near anybody, it's Tetris, and I think it would be fun to try and crush the other players with falling Tetris blocks. You could go a few different directions with this one, too – there could just be an item where you drop Tetris garbage on your enemies, or you could get smashed when your blocks get knocked up to the top, or the blocks could morph into some block-man juggernaut once you create a gold square. I might think about this a little too much.

9. Sam Fisher
Series: Splinter Cell

I suppose I'm kind of getting my wish with this one, since Snake (from Metal Gear) is being included in the new game, and he and Sam are essentially the same person at different stages in their careers. Still, Sam possessed a nice array of close-range attacks, and could shoot sticky shockers and sleeping gas cameras all over the place, so I think this would work.

8. Diddy Kong
Series: Donkey Kong Country (among others)

DK's answer to “mini-me” has, for reasons unknown, so far been uninvited to the Smash Brothers Party. I mean sure, last time he was around the rug got some nasty stains and we had to reupholster the couch, but what do you expect, he's a monkey? And besides, if you're going to have Mario and Luigi or Link and Young Link, doesn't it make sense to have Donkey and Diddy, especially considering that there actually were some differences between those two?

7. Master Hand
Series: Smash Brothers

It would be weird to control, and I can't say I miss the ability to use it a ton, but seriously, in what other fighting game can you not play with the end boss after you've beaten it on single player mode?

6. Blanka
Series: Street Fighter

Like most people, I was first exposed to the one-on-one, arcade tournament fighter game by Street Fighter II, which also helped start the trend of making nine sequels to a game and never going higher than “III” on the Roman Numeral count (instead using “editions”). While enjoying and promoting this sort of mano-a-mano violent competition amongst animals can end (somewhat) promising NFL careers, all that it cost me to fight simulated humans against each other was bags and bags of quarters. Anyway, my favorite, and probably the most memorable, fighter in that game was Blanka, who for reasons unexplained was a green electrified mutant. Maybe I liked him because he was one of the few video game personalities with more chest hair than me, or maybe it was because as a kid I couldn't figure out any special moves other than the crouching electric shock.

5. The Master Chief
Series: Halo

As much of a letdown as Halo 2 was, it's hard to ignore the fact that the Chief is the closest thing the new generation of video game heroes has to a potential Mario or Link. And if you give him a plasma pistol, some sticky grenades, and some smash moves with the energy sword, he'd indeed be formidable. Unfortunately, with Sony's gaming division on the fast track to bankruptcy, the Master Chief represents the face (or non-transparent visor) of Nintendo's real competition, so it will probably never happen.

4. Sonic the Hedgehog
Series: Sonic the Hedgehog

Let's face it: the cold war with Sega is long over. I'm pretty sure you can even play old Sega games on the Wii now. And since the Sega really only produced one memorable platforming series (which is probably why it lost), it's high time it was remembered properly.

3. Mega Man
Series: Mega Man

As arguably the most versatile video game hero ever (once you were near the end of the game, anyway) and the star of about twenty classic (if kind of similar) games, this should be an absolute no-brainer. They only hard part is choosing which of the many weapons in the Mega Man series to equip him with.

2. Simon Belmont
Series: Castlevania

This is comparable to Mega Man as a noteworthy slight in the SSB series. Or one spot ahead of it in my mind, apparently. It's so obvious I don't even really feel the need to explain it.

1. Bo Jackson
Series: Tecmo Bowl (among others)

As a sports website first, the Village Tavern would be remiss if we did not include the greatest video game athlete of all time on our list. While one might naturally assume this should be a star from the video game era such as Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Barry Bonds, Greg Maddux, Barry Sanders, or Peyton Manning, but instead, it's a backup running back from the Raiders who could also play a little baseball. Exceeding the abilities of even running backs on historical teams like Walter Payton and Jim Brown, Bo Jackson was capable of tossing multiple defenders aside and taking the rock to the house from anywhere on the field, even against defenses schemed specifically against him. Not even the great Jeremy Roenick could match Bo's greatness, and he was good.